i am simple, i am complicated
i am poor, yet enriched with family and friends
a newbie in blogging but not in life
i just wanted to share a piece of my mind...
Mga Kabaro, kapatid, kaakibat sa pakikibaka sa laban ng buhay, sa my asawa, sa mga lola, sa mga Ina na walang sawang gumagabay at sumusuporta sa mga anak nya at sa lahat ng mga babae sa mundo na kinakailangan bigyan pahalaga. Happy Women's Day!
PARA SA BAWAT BABAE
Ni NANCY R. SMITH
Para sa bawat babaeng sawa na sa pagkukunwaring mahina siya gayong alam niyang siya’y malakas,
May isang lalaking pagod na sa pag-aastang malakas kahit nanghihina.
Para sa bawat babaeng sawa na sa pagkukunwaring wala siyang alam,
May isang lalaking nabibigatan na dahil palaging inaasahang alam niya ang lahat.
Para sa bawat babaeng sawa na sa taguring “emosyonal at iyakin,”
May isang lalaking pinagkakaitan ng karapatang lumuha at magpakita ng pagmamahal.
Para sa bawat babaeng nakararamdam ng “pagkatali” sa kanyang mga anak,
May isang lalaking hindi nakakaranas ng lubos na kaligayahan ng pagiging kapwa-magulang.
Para sa bawat babaeng pinagkaitan ng makahulugang trabaho at pantay na pasahod,
May isang lalaking nabibigatan sa pananagutang buhayin ang kanyang pamilya.
Para sa bawat babaeng hindi tinuruan nang pasikot-sikot ng makina at sasakyan,
May isang lalaking hindi natuto sa kasiyahan ng pagluluto.
Para sa bawat babaenghumahakbang patungo sa kanyang sariling pagpapalaya,
May isang lalaking nakatutuklas na napadali ang daan niya tungo sa kalayaan.
One of the poems that has stuck to my mind was "For Every Woman" by Nancy Smith. I came across this poem in one of the Women's Conferences I have attended when I was still working for a Non-Government Organization way back then. The poem was imprinted in a shirt given to all attendees.
For Every Woman
By Nancy R. Smith
For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.
For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of "knowing everything."
For every woman who is tired of being called "an emotional female," there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.
For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.
For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.
For every woman who feels "tied down" by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.
For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.
For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.
For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.
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We were schoolmates since elementary days but our paths never crossed and we never knew of each others existence then. We started to notice each other in high school. I can still vividly remember, yours in one of the classes I have handled during the Teacher's Week where I was one of the Student Teachers and took over one of your subjects. You're quite cute, kinda lanky, a little bit shy but still the kind of guy who says what he wanted to say. I think you're going out with a classmate of yours then, and I, well, though I have my own share of suitors, is not exactly thinking of going out seriously with anyone then.
Years passed, and our paths crossed again in our junior year, I was a cheerleader and your a varsity player. You've grown to be one of the cutest guys in school. Girls seem can't get enough of you and they're doing even the craziest things just to be noticed by you. But I guess, your attention was already focused on someone else then (me), just like my other suitors, you're also vying for my attention. Giving me love notes, walking me home, going out with for snack after school.
But I guess, you're not lucky.... I chose the other guy instead. One afternoon, just right after class, you approached me and told me you're gonna walk me home. I can't seem to answer coz I already agreed to someone else to walk me home. As we are nearing the gate, the other guy came and get my bag and books and just said, "Let's go?" And all I can tell you is, "I'm sorry". You're such a sport. You just walked away from us but your drooping shoulders didnt come unnoticed...
I thought that was the end of your courtship. Unfortunately, my relationship with the other guy didnt seem to work out. And you were always there during those times that he should be there. We were more together than me and my boyfriend were. And little by little, I was drawn to you, your sweetness and thoughtfulness got me thinking that you are actually a better person than my boyfriend.
And so, my boyfriend and I broke up... And you were there. I did not ever consider our relationship to be on a rebound coz you have proven yourself to me and that you are worthy of my love. You are so kind, so sweet, so thoughtful and so true. Even if you dont like the things, sports, events that I am into, you are always there to support me to the point of learning it as well so you could come with me and join me in any of those things, events. Our relationship prospered and we enjoyed almost 2 years before things started to go sour...
We were in college, different universities, different people, different lives. It was then I have realized that I want to explore and broaden my horizon and it seems like you are confining me into our own little world. I have started to fall away from you, without you realizing it, coz you love me more than before. It was then that I thought our relationship is so routinary that it got to the point that I got bored. And so, without further ado, I said goodbye to you... You cant seem to understand why and asked me if you did something wrong or if there is someone else. But no, how can I explain, there's no one else... its not you... its me... there's nothing wrong with you... And I thought it would be better this way than to hurt you more in the long run... So we broke up... It took sometime for the wound to heal, but you know what, I was quite surprised and happy that we still manage to keep the friendship we had..
Who would ever thought that after more than a decade we would see each other again? Oh my... You, looking good more than ever. and since we have kept our friendship, we were able to at least go out with some common friends. Reminiscing the old days, the good times we had. We laughed, joked around and kept each other up to date as to what has happened in all those years in our lives. The whole night that we were all together, I kept on stealing glances in your direction, silently observing you, wishfully thinking its still me and you.... asking myself why did I ever let you go... It was that night that I realized, that even after all those years, my love for you was just like a dormant volcano... its still there, just waiting and bidding its time...
I guess it was in 2005 when you made your presence felt. I've known you for quite some time but never give you any attention. You're just there, waiting for me, bidding you're time. So secured as if you have that secret knowledge knowing that I would eventually notice you. Ang lakas ng dating mo at ang daming nahumaling sayo. Pero no keber pa rin ako. I mean, why should I? Sino ka ba para pansinin ko??
Pero, mapaglaro ang tadhana. It was in 2008 when desperation hit, I just came out of a very unrewarding and very unfair relationship. That's when I have come to notice you and you're over-powering presence. Ayoko sana talaga, pero I have no choice. Dumating ang panahon na kinailangan na kita. At ikaw naman, you welcomed me with your arms wide open. As if I really belong to you. You didn't think na maarte ko even sa pagka-inglesera ko. Didn't even care if I'm spending most nights with you, actually, you insisted na I spent most of my nights with you, even though you knew that I already have children, ok lang sayo. Sometimes, you even demanded that I spent most holidays with you rather than with them. I thought, ok lang naman, since our relationship is beneficial especially for me and my children. The financial gain that I'm getting from you compensated the hours I spent with you. You introduced me to different kinds of people and peeked my interest going to new places i've never been into and allowed me to be accustomed in a lifestyle that you had offered.
But still in 2010, after 2 years of our fruitful and bountiful relationship, I started getting restless and bored. It's as if I feel so tied up with you and I don't see any future in our relationship. There's no emotional growth and i'm kinda getting tired spending my nights with you. Nakakahiya man aminin, nakakasawa na... Ayoko ng ganito. Sometimes I even dread the hour of seeing you. And thought that It would be best to spend more time with my kids instead of with you. I guess its time to move on....
Though it pains you to let me go as you have nurtured and cared for me for the last 2 years. You still supported my decision. But as expected, you didn't let me go without a fight, offering me more than I asked for. You even asked me, what would I do if you let me go? And I just answered, I need time, I need to be with my children not only during those times that you allowed me to....
And so there I was. A free woman! Waking up every morning, katabi ng mga anak ko. Hindi man ikaw ang kasama ko, mas masaya ko na sila ang makikita ko pagmulat ng mga mata ko... Actually, I also saw the change in my children's attitude. They are as happy as a bee knowing that I'm always there for them. Unlike before nun magkasama pa tayo. Madalas wala ko sa gabi at di nila ko katabi pagtulog... I was even able to make a blogsite of my own! Talk about having free time!
Unfortunately....
I can't seem to stay away from you.... After more than a year of being separated to you. Its not really the relationship that I missed... but the benefits I get from you.... Somehow, nakakahiya man aminin... Kinailangan kitang balikan... ayoko man... pero ganon talaga... Kailangan eh...
Hay.... call center... sayo na naman ba ang mga gabi ko? kukunin mo na naman ba ang mga holidays na dapat eh pamilya ko ang kasama ko? But then, again, ganun talaga... Ikaw lang (sa ngayon) ang willing magbigay sakin ng benepisyong kailangan ko....
(Ooooopsssss..... teka, long call na naman tong ahenteng to.... puro na lang ACW!)
U-link is a facebook application intended to send free messages to any networks even without logging out from your facebook account. First, click Like on the U-link application page and start sending text messages for free.
