I guess it was in 2005 when you made your presence felt. I've known you for quite some time but never give you any attention. You're just there, waiting for me, bidding you're time. So secured as if you have that secret knowledge knowing that I would eventually notice you. Ang lakas ng dating mo at ang daming nahumaling sayo. Pero no keber pa rin ako. I mean, why should I? Sino ka ba para pansinin ko??
Pero, mapaglaro ang tadhana. It was in 2008 when desperation hit, I just came out of a very unrewarding and very unfair relationship. That's when I have come to notice you and you're over-powering presence. Ayoko sana talaga, pero I have no choice. Dumating ang panahon na kinailangan na kita. At ikaw naman, you welcomed me with your arms wide open. As if I really belong to you. You didn't think na maarte ko even sa pagka-inglesera ko. Didn't even care if I'm spending most nights with you, actually, you insisted na I spent most of my nights with you, even though you knew that I already have children, ok lang sayo. Sometimes, you even demanded that I spent most holidays with you rather than with them. I thought, ok lang naman, since our relationship is beneficial especially for me and my children. The financial gain that I'm getting from you compensated the hours I spent with you. You introduced me to different kinds of people and peeked my interest going to new places i've never been into and allowed me to be accustomed in a lifestyle that you had offered.
But still in 2010, after 2 years of our fruitful and bountiful relationship, I started getting restless and bored. It's as if I feel so tied up with you and I don't see any future in our relationship. There's no emotional growth and i'm kinda getting tired spending my nights with you. Nakakahiya man aminin, nakakasawa na... Ayoko ng ganito. Sometimes I even dread the hour of seeing you. And thought that It would be best to spend more time with my kids instead of with you. I guess its time to move on....
Though it pains you to let me go as you have nurtured and cared for me for the last 2 years. You still supported my decision. But as expected, you didn't let me go without a fight, offering me more than I asked for. You even asked me, what would I do if you let me go? And I just answered, I need time, I need to be with my children not only during those times that you allowed me to....
And so there I was. A free woman! Waking up every morning, katabi ng mga anak ko. Hindi man ikaw ang kasama ko, mas masaya ko na sila ang makikita ko pagmulat ng mga mata ko... Actually, I also saw the change in my children's attitude. They are as happy as a bee knowing that I'm always there for them. Unlike before nun magkasama pa tayo. Madalas wala ko sa gabi at di nila ko katabi pagtulog... I was even able to make a blogsite of my own! Talk about having free time!
Unfortunately....
I can't seem to stay away from you.... After more than a year of being separated to you. Its not really the relationship that I missed... but the benefits I get from you.... Somehow, nakakahiya man aminin... Kinailangan kitang balikan... ayoko man... pero ganon talaga... Kailangan eh...
Hay.... call center... sayo na naman ba ang mga gabi ko? kukunin mo na naman ba ang mga holidays na dapat eh pamilya ko ang kasama ko? But then, again, ganun talaga... Ikaw lang (sa ngayon) ang willing magbigay sakin ng benepisyong kailangan ko....
(Ooooopsssss..... teka, long call na naman tong ahenteng to.... puro na lang ACW!)
The End
You might also want to read :
Ang Simula ng Wakas The Prologue, Ang Pagkakakilala, The Journey, Towards Oblivion
Like my page on facebook! Under the Moonlight
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